A Trick Of The Night
by irmak
Summary: The incident that changed Dick's faith in God forever. Italics are thoughts. None spoilers really, but it would make a lot sense if you watched Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough.


_Sloth is the failure to love God with all one's heart, all one's mind and all one's soul.  
Dante_

Lately, Dick had realized that nothing exactly worked out the way he wanted. He wanted to bang that hot chick, but she bailed on him, going to give head to some fucking loser. He wanted to get some quality ecstasy, because the last stuff he bought was as shitty as a PCHer. Most of all, he wanted his little brother to lose that ugly chick, fast, and stop acting like a prick with a stick shoved up his ass.

But he fucking knew his brother a little too well. That little shit was probably thinking that if he dumped that chick he wouldn't get laid because his brother was getting it all. Well, okay, he was totally right, but the Casablancas name came with its advantages and little Beaver acted as if he was a fucking Mars or something. Hell, even slutty Mars knew how to find a sugar daddy.

Dick woke up that morning with a fucking brilliant idea. For the first time in years, he would do something for his little brother. Maybe it was time for thinking of something other than sex-

_Oh, wait. That's exactly what my plan is all about._

---

The girl was overwhelmed, you know, because Dick fucking Casablancas had invited her to this little shindig of his. She looked kinda nervous but Dick knew it was because she was totally turned on.

_Who wouldn't be?_

"Where's Cassidy?" She asked, looking around.

"Probably playing with himself." At the girl's shocked look Dick continued, "Hey, what did you expect? Puberty happened. But I bet you already knew that," he said with a sly grin on his face.

_Jesus. This girl is certainly no Casablancas material._

"If he's not here why did you call me, Dick?"

"Because it's time for my annual pity-fuck."

"Wha- _what_?" And now she looked disgusted, right when she should have been all grateful for his generosity.

"See, once a year, I fuck someone that I wouldn't fuck normally, just for the good of the community." He smiled brightly. "I give back a little of what has been given to me."

Well, that wasn't exactly the truth. Dick had a very busy schedule when it came to women, and he didn't have any time for pity-fucks. Not to mention he actually never cared for any. All Dick wanted was to make her believe that he was in fact such a giving person. She just should have thanked God for her chance to fuck the Casablancas that she had been dreaming about all this time.

"This is the… the most disgusting thing I have ever heard! Is this a fucking joke?" She spat out.

"Aw, babe, it's okay to be excited."

"Excited? Are you out of your fucking mind? You asshole! It's not funny." She stomped past him, heading out of the room as if she actually wanted to leave. "If Cassidy finds out what you-"

Dick knew she was playing hard to get, because she was in a 'relationship' with Beaver and didn't want to look slutty. If only she hadn't worn that tight leather skirt, then, maybe she would have succeeded in looking less trashy. No girl had ever resisted Dick's charms and of course this bitch would come around, too.

_You just have to know how to play with her. It's a child's play._

"Like he doesn't." Dick's sounded so sure of himself.

That both shut her fucking mouth up and stopped her, much to Dick's delight. Seriously, he was just so fucking witty, knowing exactly what to say. He wondered why he had never tried anything like this before, using his skills for the good of his family and friends. Well, you know, other than him being lazy and not giving a shit.

"He knows? There's no fuck-"

"Why the hell should I lie about something like this?" He took a step closer. "Remember, I could totally find way hotter girls for my charity." Another step and he was standing only an inch away. She must be so fucking turned on, or why the hell she would be trembling like that? "He asked for my help, you know, to teach you a few tricks. Apparently your skills could use some help."

Tears filled her eyes. Dick knew it must be because she was totally soaking wet, frustrated with him talking and not fucking her brains out.

He continued to tease her. "He told me that you weren't that good at giving head and I thought we should start there."

"Fuck you, Dick."

"Only if you can keep your mouth wide open 'till I'm done. Then you'll get to fuck me."

Then something that Dick never expected happened. That bitch fucking _slapped_ him. That ugly little whore slapped Dick Casablancas. Dick only liked slapping a) during sex, _not_ before, b) if it's actually not slapping but spanking, and, _okay_, if maybe a little bit of nipple pinching is involved, too, c) if he's the one using the hands, of course, unless it's his nipples that are being pinched.

_The fucking nerve._

Dick suddenly realized that it was his job to take this bitch down, so that his brother could be free again. And next time, Dick would hook him up with someone whose nickname wasn't Trashy McTramp. Well, if Trashy knew how to give great head, Dick might have reconsidered his opinions on this subject.

He grabbed her arm and yanked hard, forcing her to her knees in front of him, right where she belonged.

"I said, _now_, bitch. And don't fucking act like that this isn't your lucky day."

Dick could not recall exactly what had happened right then, but it was pretty obvious that instead of praying for gratitude, the bitch head butted his balls. _His fucking balls_. Dick fell down on his knees, an excruciating pain in his groin, and then on his back. As he slowly passed out, he was pretty sure that she hit him _after_ giving him a blowjob and that she must have done such a fucking lousy job that he could not remember it at all.

---

It was Beaver's voice that woke Dick up.

"What the hell did you do?" Beaver was yelling his lungs out.

_Good._

Dick just felt that those two love birds were finally over and she was out of their lives.

_But if she caused any permanent damage, she should seriously consider praying this time because I'm so going to kick her sorry little ass._

He never got how some queers never believed in 'hitting women'. After all, wasn't 'equality' what those feminists wanted in the first place?

"Cassidy, he came onto me!" She was pleading.

"He came onto you and you hit him in the balls? He fucking passed out!" He knelt beside Dick. "Man, are you okay?"

"Yeah, _Cass_, I'm fine." Dick couldn't remember the last time he called his little brother Cassidy, but he felt so close to him now. And he knew that Beaver would feel the same way.

"Oh, okay. Lay there." He rose up and jabbed a finger at the skank. "You're so goddamn lucky," he hissed, "if anything had happened; I swear I'd kill you."

The girl backed up a few steps. "I just fucking hit his balls. I didn't try to murder him!" She looked shaken. "Jesus! He fucking tried to make me suck his dick, Cassidy. Do you fucking hear me?"

Dick could have sworn that he could tell from Beaver's face that he was getting angrier and angrier by second, his blood boiling.

"You expect me to believe that? What did he really do, huh? Flash you? He must have been joking around. You know him, dammit. You can't just fucking hit him!" He paused for a second. "Bitch," he hissed.

She didn't answer for a minute. "You know what, _Beaver_? Fuck you!" She shook her head with revulsion and disgust. "I can't believe I'm hearing this! You… you should have been defending me and instead… you're fucking on his side."

Beaver took a few angry steps towards her. "That's my brother lying there. And who the hell are you? Just because we've gone out for a few dates-" 

"I'm fucking no one." She continued with a bitter smile on her face. "Probably just a girl you hang out with because your fucking brother is fucking every other girl but _you_."

Dick felt what was coming. He fucking predicted it. He could have said something to stop him, but something stopped him. It was Beaver's problem, now. It wasn't his place to do anything.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Beaver grabbed the chair with one hand.

"Answer me, Sally, what the HELL did you just say?"

"I... I..." If only she should have stopped there, but the bitch just continued and fucking asked for it. "Fuck you, Cassidy."

And then she never talked again.

Dick watched Cassidy hitting her with the chair; she almost flew right across the room. Beaver hit her once more, even harder, and blood splattered all over. And Dick just lay there, watching.

So Dick realized that maybe he wasn't meant to help others. Maybe he should have stuck with being lazy and not giving a shit. Well, that was what he was going to do for the rest of his life, anyway.

---

"So, you don't believe in God?" Veronica asked Lilly, incredulously, her hand clenched around Duncan's. Logan was eating pizza like he hadn't eaten anything all day and obviously had had enough with Veronica's faith issues. 

"Well, I think that God should believe in me," Lilly said with a bright smile on her face, causing everyone to chuckle. "I'm just kidding. I mean, come on, I'm like, his best work, _ever_. We've got a good relationship going on here."

Veronica turned her head to Dick. "What about you?"

"I think God is overrated. You know I used to believe in myself, but..." Dick glanced over his brother sitting next to some ugly chick and flashed him a smile. "I've been believing in something else for a while now."

---


End file.
